I am a people watcher :) I love people and I love to watch them, whether I know them or not. Especially around holidays (any holiday) and MOST especially around Christmas. There is a crazed frenzy around Christmas, people are nuts...trying to get the best, the biggest, the greatest deal, the newest gadget...I love watching the moms with the tired kids crying behind her walking into "just one more store", or the boyfriend who waited until the last minute to get a gift for his girlfriend and he KNOWS he has to get it right or else. Or the last minute shoppers in the grocery stores and pharmacies because no other place is still open, trying to find something that can pass for a gift. I really like watching the little kids at the train and Santa places, their eyes all big and round, mesmerized by all the lights, glitter and choo-choos of the train. Santa seems so big to them, they are a little intimidated, but mom and dad want the picture with Santa, even if the kids are crying in it.....and the kids just want a present and a candy cane :). There is a breathless anticipation of this ginormous (threw that in there for all the ELF fans) holiday coming.
Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmastime, it is one of my two favorite holidays. But, this year, I wondered to myself as I was doing my people watching..."What are we so breathlessly awaiting?". Is it the presents we are going to receive? The ones we got others? Watching our children or grandchildren open their presents? Are we awaiting that amazing Christmas meal grandma always makes? What in the world are we rushing after? The excitement of one day of presents and food? Visiting family? What is it?
Simeon breathlessly awaited the coming of the Messiah, he held on to the promise that he would not die until he saw the Savior of the world. Should we not be anticipating the same thing? Should we not put the same zeal and frenzy into the coming of Christ? During Christmastime, we celebrate Advent, we celebrate the birth of Christ. We do devotions and light candles, we read the Christmas story to our children, we celebrate the baby Jesus. But He is coming back :) shouldn't we be in breathless anticipation of His return?
I love baby Jesus (yes, little 8 lb 6 oz baby Jesus :) I love the stories of the angels, shepherds and wise men. I like to wonder about Mary, and how she felt as she held Gods' son. Did she count all the fingers and toes as we mothers do? Did she feel awe at His every coo and gurgle? Was she overwhelmed at the responsibility of raising the Messiah? There is a warm familiarity in these stories and wonderings.
But He is coming back :) He did not come to this earth as just a baby, He came as the one and only that could free us from our sin. His story doesn't end with His birth or even His death. The story only began there, it is far from over. We hurriedly rush around at Christmas, trying to find the "perfect" gifts....what if we hurried into the arms of Christ? What if we not only accepted the true "perfect" gift, but were so consumed by it that we had no choice but to share it with others? What if our goal in this life were to breathlessly anticipate the return of our Lord? What an incredibly different life view we would have.
My life has been overwhelmed with the presence of Christ, I have been changed, renewed, transformed, forgiven and unconditionally loved. I am a new creation. And that's just now, with me here on this earth and my Christ up in Heaven. I breathlessly anticipate seeing Him face to face, standing in awe of my Lord, for I know that all the blessings of this world will seem small when faced with the presence of the One who died for me. Until my last breath I will wait on His return, ready to be taken home, ready to be forever in Christ. Until my last breath, I will share this hope and this love with all that I meet, in the hope that they will share in my anticipation and in His salvation.
If I am going to rush, it will be into His arms. If I am going to search, it will be for His face. If I am going to be mesmerized, it will be by His love. If I am going to find gifts, they will be in His grace and mercy. If I am going to live, truly live, it will be for Him.
I am breathlessly anticipating......
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Broken
We Christians are so eager to share our "mountain top" experiences...those moments when our prayers were answered the way we wanted them to be....or some retreat where we "saw Jesus"....when some loved one was healed, restored, saved or their prayer was answered the way they thought it should be. And I am not saying these things should not be shared...they should! Praise God for answered prayers, for lives saved and healed and restored.
But what about the prayers that are not answered the way we wanted them to be? Or haven't been answered at all yet? Or maybe, the answer was no? God answers all prayers, but we Christians rarely talk about those other answers....the no, the wait and the maybe. We tend not to talk about the dark moments in our spiritual lives, the times in the valley. We don't talk about devastation, hopelessness, fear, anger, pain, abandonment......why? Every Bible character we read about experienced and spoke about these things.....read the Psalms, King David did it A LOT.
Lately, life has been painful for me....physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cry quite a bit and pray even more. There are moments, especially at night when there is nothing else to distract me, that words escape me.....I can't pray, I can barely think. I become overwhelmed with emotion. In these times, it usually starts with anger (doesn't it always seem to start there when we don't understand what's going on?)....the words start rolling then! I rail against God, I yell at Him,"Why me? Why now? How could this happen to me? Where is my abundant life, huh? Where are all these promises and blessings I read about in your word? Do you hear me? Do you care?". Why do I yell at God? Because I can. Because He is big enough and strong enough to take anything I throw at Him and He loves me enough to let me. Because He knows my heart.
The anger usually fades fairly quickly...that is when the sadness begins, the fear, the pain...the heartache so intense that I can physically feel it. I can feel my heart breaking. My body becomes limp and the sobbing begins. Those gut wrenching sobs so deep, so painful that you're not really even breathing, you are gasping for air. The weight of my pain, my anguish presses on me so strongly that I regress to the fetal position in some sort of hope that this old childhood position will somehow bring me comfort. It doesn't. And that's when I feel Him, my Jesus, His presence. I can almost feel Him laying with me, an arm wrapped around me as though I was a child. I can almost feel Him brushing the hair from my face. He's not there to whisper meaningless platitudes in my ear, to quote scripture after scripture to me, telling me to suck it up, just hang in there or have a little faith. No, my Jesus is there to weep with me, my heartache is His as well, He feels my pain, anger, grief and confusion. And it's ok. He comforts me with His presence, words are not necessary. Does it make it all better, all go away? Nope, sure doesn't. But it makes it bearable...He makes all this heartache worth it, because my faith is not based in or on how I feel. I can have moments of feeling hopeless desperation. Because in the end, my God is a really big God and I will be ok. He is faithful and true. He is all that I need.
If Jesus based His faith and ministry on this earth on how He felt or how others treated Him, He probably would not have made it to the cross. We know from scripture that He felt emotion, our human emotion. We are told that He wept more than once, we are told of His anger and even of His fear. None of that stopped Him. Faith in God transcends feelings. I know and believe in Gods' promise to lead me, guide me, never forsake me and unconditionally love me. He has a plan for me, a plan even for this painful circumstance.
And I believe that God wants us to share these things with others. As I mentioned above, King David poured it all out to God and it is a part of the Bible. God wanted us to read it. Why? Because we can relate. King David was every bit the doofus that I am. And yet he was a man after Gods' own heart. Because from start to finish, David relied on faith, not feelings. Just as we can relate to David, so can others relate to our heartaches and fears, and once that bond is shared, then we get to introduce them to Jesus.....who came to set the captives free.
Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit. Psalm 51:17, "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise". Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds". See a pattern here? We don't have to pretend to be strong, He is waiting to be strong for us. When we are in pain, the Lord God Almighty, Creator of all things, is close to us. I want Him to be close to me. I want my broken heart healed and my wounds bound. I want to sacrifice my broken spirit and rest back upon the Lord. However, that can't happen if I don't admit my brokenness, if I don't bring it to Him, to the only One that can make ALL things good.
There is a song out called "Better than a Hallelujah". A part of the chorus says, "We pour out our misery and God just hears a melody. Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts....is better than a Hallelujah". God wants our messes, our misery, our broken hearts, our brokenness in general.....because He can do something with it.
I am broken and that's a good thing.
But what about the prayers that are not answered the way we wanted them to be? Or haven't been answered at all yet? Or maybe, the answer was no? God answers all prayers, but we Christians rarely talk about those other answers....the no, the wait and the maybe. We tend not to talk about the dark moments in our spiritual lives, the times in the valley. We don't talk about devastation, hopelessness, fear, anger, pain, abandonment......why? Every Bible character we read about experienced and spoke about these things.....read the Psalms, King David did it A LOT.
Lately, life has been painful for me....physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cry quite a bit and pray even more. There are moments, especially at night when there is nothing else to distract me, that words escape me.....I can't pray, I can barely think. I become overwhelmed with emotion. In these times, it usually starts with anger (doesn't it always seem to start there when we don't understand what's going on?)....the words start rolling then! I rail against God, I yell at Him,"Why me? Why now? How could this happen to me? Where is my abundant life, huh? Where are all these promises and blessings I read about in your word? Do you hear me? Do you care?". Why do I yell at God? Because I can. Because He is big enough and strong enough to take anything I throw at Him and He loves me enough to let me. Because He knows my heart.
The anger usually fades fairly quickly...that is when the sadness begins, the fear, the pain...the heartache so intense that I can physically feel it. I can feel my heart breaking. My body becomes limp and the sobbing begins. Those gut wrenching sobs so deep, so painful that you're not really even breathing, you are gasping for air. The weight of my pain, my anguish presses on me so strongly that I regress to the fetal position in some sort of hope that this old childhood position will somehow bring me comfort. It doesn't. And that's when I feel Him, my Jesus, His presence. I can almost feel Him laying with me, an arm wrapped around me as though I was a child. I can almost feel Him brushing the hair from my face. He's not there to whisper meaningless platitudes in my ear, to quote scripture after scripture to me, telling me to suck it up, just hang in there or have a little faith. No, my Jesus is there to weep with me, my heartache is His as well, He feels my pain, anger, grief and confusion. And it's ok. He comforts me with His presence, words are not necessary. Does it make it all better, all go away? Nope, sure doesn't. But it makes it bearable...He makes all this heartache worth it, because my faith is not based in or on how I feel. I can have moments of feeling hopeless desperation. Because in the end, my God is a really big God and I will be ok. He is faithful and true. He is all that I need.
If Jesus based His faith and ministry on this earth on how He felt or how others treated Him, He probably would not have made it to the cross. We know from scripture that He felt emotion, our human emotion. We are told that He wept more than once, we are told of His anger and even of His fear. None of that stopped Him. Faith in God transcends feelings. I know and believe in Gods' promise to lead me, guide me, never forsake me and unconditionally love me. He has a plan for me, a plan even for this painful circumstance.
And I believe that God wants us to share these things with others. As I mentioned above, King David poured it all out to God and it is a part of the Bible. God wanted us to read it. Why? Because we can relate. King David was every bit the doofus that I am. And yet he was a man after Gods' own heart. Because from start to finish, David relied on faith, not feelings. Just as we can relate to David, so can others relate to our heartaches and fears, and once that bond is shared, then we get to introduce them to Jesus.....who came to set the captives free.
Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those that are crushed in spirit. Psalm 51:17, "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise". Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds". See a pattern here? We don't have to pretend to be strong, He is waiting to be strong for us. When we are in pain, the Lord God Almighty, Creator of all things, is close to us. I want Him to be close to me. I want my broken heart healed and my wounds bound. I want to sacrifice my broken spirit and rest back upon the Lord. However, that can't happen if I don't admit my brokenness, if I don't bring it to Him, to the only One that can make ALL things good.
There is a song out called "Better than a Hallelujah". A part of the chorus says, "We pour out our misery and God just hears a melody. Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts....is better than a Hallelujah". God wants our messes, our misery, our broken hearts, our brokenness in general.....because He can do something with it.
I am broken and that's a good thing.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Love-Gods' Definition
Our culture paints a pretty grim picture of love. If we were to believe the societal definition of love, there would be no point in even seeking it. Love today is selfish, physical and short term. Over half of all marriages end in divorce, most dating relationships don't even last a year. Our culture is a "now" culture, we are addicted to instant gratification and gratuitous love. The love of today is really just lust and infatuation; it lives for the moment with no real thought of commitment and no real concern for another's well being. We buy into advertisements that tell us love is physical and immediate. This is scary and its no wonder 13 year olds are having sex and calling it love. This is what we are taught love is. What happens when infatuation wears off? When we are left with who we really are and real emotions being exposed? Are we falling out of love? I'd like to propose a definition that says no, this is where real love begins. A definition from the Creator of Love, God Himself.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices when the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance". This is quite different from how my generation sees love. Love waits, for physical expression, for intimacy and for marriage. Love is kind, it does not belittle, demean or intentionally hurt. Love is not selfish, it puts others first. Love does not have the "looking out for number one" mentality. In real love, you are not number one. Love forgives, unconditionally. Love never, ever gives up. Love endures and lasts forever.
John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this: that he lay his life down for his friends". This is absolute selflessness. When we truly love someone, we must be willing to do anything for him or her. To lay down our lives if necessary. Love looks out for the other person, it tries to make decisions based on what is best for the other. An added blessing in this is that God also tells us in Galatians 6:7b, "You will always reap what you sow." That means if you sow selflessness in your relationships, you will reap it as well. The one loving you will have your best interests at heart and will put you first.
Ephesians 4:25 tells us, "Put away all falsehood and tell your neighbor the truth because we all belong to each other." Love doesn't lie, love rejoices in the truth. If we are to truly love someone, we must be honest, even at the cost of losing the relationship. A relationship built on lies will never last, the truth always comes out. It is a sign of respect and humility to be honest with the ones you love. This culture tells us to hide everything, all imperfections and insecurities. God tells us to be honest about them and to help one another through those things. When we are truthful, love rejoices.
1 Corinthians 13:13 says, "There are three things that will endure - faith, hope and love - and the greatest of these is love". Love lasts, real love never goes away. Truly loving someone, not just with feelings, but with time and commitment will endure. It will endure all things, good and bad. We all know stories of love that "stood the test of time". These are stories of true love, whether it was a marriage or a friendship. Love wins out over all other things.
In Matthew 5:44 Jesus tells us, "But I say love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you". This is a hard truth about love. To love someone unlovable, who shows no love themselves...why love them. Jesus goes on to say in verse 47, "If you are only kind to your friends, how are you different than anyone else?". Love has no prejudices, it is not selective, not reserved for only the "good" people. Love is for anyone and everyone and what a testimony it is to the state of our hearts when we love those who show no love. Love is a sacrifice of self.
As you can see, the Lords' definition of love is quite different than ours (and we haven't even covered all He had to say about it!). As unromantic as it may seem, love is an investment of time, emotion, energy and commitment. Love sacrifices and puts others first. Love says no to instant gratification. True love waits. Love forgives and reaches out to the unlovable. What a difference there would be in this world if we loved the way God asks us to, the way He first loved us. God forgives our every sin, He sacrificed Himself for us, He waits patiently on us and is kind and gentle. We could begin to make a difference in our relationships today if we applied His definition of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices when the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance". This is quite different from how my generation sees love. Love waits, for physical expression, for intimacy and for marriage. Love is kind, it does not belittle, demean or intentionally hurt. Love is not selfish, it puts others first. Love does not have the "looking out for number one" mentality. In real love, you are not number one. Love forgives, unconditionally. Love never, ever gives up. Love endures and lasts forever.
John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this: that he lay his life down for his friends". This is absolute selflessness. When we truly love someone, we must be willing to do anything for him or her. To lay down our lives if necessary. Love looks out for the other person, it tries to make decisions based on what is best for the other. An added blessing in this is that God also tells us in Galatians 6:7b, "You will always reap what you sow." That means if you sow selflessness in your relationships, you will reap it as well. The one loving you will have your best interests at heart and will put you first.
Ephesians 4:25 tells us, "Put away all falsehood and tell your neighbor the truth because we all belong to each other." Love doesn't lie, love rejoices in the truth. If we are to truly love someone, we must be honest, even at the cost of losing the relationship. A relationship built on lies will never last, the truth always comes out. It is a sign of respect and humility to be honest with the ones you love. This culture tells us to hide everything, all imperfections and insecurities. God tells us to be honest about them and to help one another through those things. When we are truthful, love rejoices.
1 Corinthians 13:13 says, "There are three things that will endure - faith, hope and love - and the greatest of these is love". Love lasts, real love never goes away. Truly loving someone, not just with feelings, but with time and commitment will endure. It will endure all things, good and bad. We all know stories of love that "stood the test of time". These are stories of true love, whether it was a marriage or a friendship. Love wins out over all other things.
In Matthew 5:44 Jesus tells us, "But I say love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you". This is a hard truth about love. To love someone unlovable, who shows no love themselves...why love them. Jesus goes on to say in verse 47, "If you are only kind to your friends, how are you different than anyone else?". Love has no prejudices, it is not selective, not reserved for only the "good" people. Love is for anyone and everyone and what a testimony it is to the state of our hearts when we love those who show no love. Love is a sacrifice of self.
As you can see, the Lords' definition of love is quite different than ours (and we haven't even covered all He had to say about it!). As unromantic as it may seem, love is an investment of time, emotion, energy and commitment. Love sacrifices and puts others first. Love says no to instant gratification. True love waits. Love forgives and reaches out to the unlovable. What a difference there would be in this world if we loved the way God asks us to, the way He first loved us. God forgives our every sin, He sacrificed Himself for us, He waits patiently on us and is kind and gentle. We could begin to make a difference in our relationships today if we applied His definition of love.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Why we talk about S-E-X
There has been some controversy lately surrounding our High School youth group, that the group talks about sex. We do.
However, we do not discuss it every week or even every month. We have a godly curriculum that we use once a year. That being said....we do our best to answer teens questions that come up. If its a question asked with respect and a genuine desire for knowledge, we will do our best to answer it. There are a few reasons for this:
1. I (along with all the small group leaders) have done my best in the last 3 years to create a safe environment where teens can be heard and understood. They ask many questions about many things....marriage, divorce, godly living, drugs, relationships and yes, sex. As youth leaders, we are not trying to replace parental discussion, but to help reinforce it. Research shows that parents/guardians are the number one resource of information for most children and teens. We know, love and respect that fact. We only desire to reinforce ideas of abstinence, healthy dating relationships, etc.
2. As a mom myself, I agree with the belief that conversations of sexual nature should be held at home. As a Director of Jr&Sr High Ministries, I have learned that teens sometimes have questions they are too embarassed to ask their parents. As a mom, I hope that my children will have godly, trustworthy and honest adults to talk to about the things that they feel they cannot ask me or dad. That is our desire at our youth group....to provide godly, biblical principles to every facet of these teens lives, including sex and dating. We also have teens whose parents are not around or who won't discuss sex with them. I have told these teens over and over again that I would much rather they ask their small group leader rather than Google it (a VERY bad idea) or ask their friends (which are not good resources for sex). We do not want them to be misinformed or lied to about these things that matter to them.
Dr James Dobson had a letter written to him after a young girl saw him discussing teen sex when he was a guest on a panel about abstinece versus safe sex education. This was the letter: "This has been on my mind for a long time. I've heard that if you have sex during your period you won't get pregnet (sic). If not, I have a problem, I'm only 11. signed Really Worried".
This little girl was only 11 and had already fallen victim to all the misinformation that is out there about sex. We do not want our teens to be misinformed and they are fed misinformation from so many different sources that it can become extremely confusing to know what to believe. We offer them Gods' truth.
3. Statistically speaking, 47% of teens are sexually active, most statisticians believe that the number may be higher because there is still a social stigma surrounding premarital sex, so girls especially, tend to lie about being sexually active. The number increases with age, 62% of 12th graders report being sexually active compared with 33% of 9th graders. Compared to older adults, teens are at higher risk for contracting STDs due to lack of regular health care and being physiologically more susceptible to infection. 25% of teens contract an STD every year. An estimated half of all new reported HIV cases yearly are in people under 25. 50% of sexually active youth will contract an STD before age 25. 40% of older adolescents incorrectly believe that the birth control pill prevents STDs and HIV. Some teens, including those that have recieved abstinence education, consider oral and anal sex to be abstinent behaviors and do not realize these behaviors present risks of STD transmission. There are currently 20 STDs considered to be at epidemic levels in the U.S., many of them incurable. There are STDs, such as HPV, herpes, and genital warts (all of which are incurable) that can be transmitted even with condom use. It is estimated that 90% of cervical cancer cases are caused by HPV, which cannot be erradicated once it's in the body. Some STDs, such as syphllis and chlamydia can lead to infertility, especially in girls. 31% of teen girls will become pregnant at least once before the age of 20. 27% of teen pregnancies end in abortion every year. The United States has the highest teen pregancy and birth rate in the Western industrialized world. (all statistics were pulled from the Kaiser Family Foundation, SADD and the Guttmacher Research Institute)
These statistics are scary and give even more reason to promote and advocate abstinence, as well as making sure our teens are not misinformed about the dangers of premarital sex. There is no such thing as "safe sex" and all teens need to know that. That is why we talk about sex, to educate them, to reinforce abstinence and to respect their desire for biblical knowledge regarding sex.
That being said, we cannot always predict what question a teen is going to ask on any given Wednesday. Many times we redirect the conversation and ask the teen to bring it up privately with their small group leader. There are times (rarely), however, that we do address the question as a group.
I encourage any parent with questions or concerns to please, please, please contact me. I am more than happy to let you review our curriculum, to ask questions and share any concerns you have with me. We generally send home a flyer when we are close to starting our sex/dating curriculum and if you would like your child to not participate, that is perfectly ok. Our curriculum on sex deals only in biblical principles regarding purity, abstinence and healthy relationships. We do, however, answer questions about pornography, masturbation and homosexuality if they are brought up in the course of the curriculum. I realize that these are uncomfortable topics for most people and that many feel the church should not be discussing them. I say, why not the church? Where else will they get biblical, purity driven answers? I believe the church should be discussing these things and we will continue to do so.
I want to again reiterate the fact that this does not happen every week or even every month. Most of the times that kids are talking about sex, we shut it down. But we will answer honest, respectful questions.
In regard to the Jr High youth group, we do no sex curriculum. For 6th graders, we do a curriculum on building healthy friendships/relationships. For 7th and 8th graders, we focus on respecting the opposite sex, that God purposefully made men and women different, emotionally. And for the boys, we help them learn to deal with impure thoughts. All small groups are aged based and boys and girls are separate. We do answer their questions as well, age appropriately. We are not interested in giving sex education and we don't. Some girls last year had questions about teen preganacy and we answered them age appropriately and biblically.
We do respect the different places all of our youth (Jr&Sr High) are in and base our curriculum and answers around their different ages and needs.
I hope that this helps clear up some of the "controversy" and again invite any one with questions to please contact me at jami@harrisonlegacy.com or 513-266-1017.
However, we do not discuss it every week or even every month. We have a godly curriculum that we use once a year. That being said....we do our best to answer teens questions that come up. If its a question asked with respect and a genuine desire for knowledge, we will do our best to answer it. There are a few reasons for this:
1. I (along with all the small group leaders) have done my best in the last 3 years to create a safe environment where teens can be heard and understood. They ask many questions about many things....marriage, divorce, godly living, drugs, relationships and yes, sex. As youth leaders, we are not trying to replace parental discussion, but to help reinforce it. Research shows that parents/guardians are the number one resource of information for most children and teens. We know, love and respect that fact. We only desire to reinforce ideas of abstinence, healthy dating relationships, etc.
2. As a mom myself, I agree with the belief that conversations of sexual nature should be held at home. As a Director of Jr&Sr High Ministries, I have learned that teens sometimes have questions they are too embarassed to ask their parents. As a mom, I hope that my children will have godly, trustworthy and honest adults to talk to about the things that they feel they cannot ask me or dad. That is our desire at our youth group....to provide godly, biblical principles to every facet of these teens lives, including sex and dating. We also have teens whose parents are not around or who won't discuss sex with them. I have told these teens over and over again that I would much rather they ask their small group leader rather than Google it (a VERY bad idea) or ask their friends (which are not good resources for sex). We do not want them to be misinformed or lied to about these things that matter to them.
Dr James Dobson had a letter written to him after a young girl saw him discussing teen sex when he was a guest on a panel about abstinece versus safe sex education. This was the letter: "This has been on my mind for a long time. I've heard that if you have sex during your period you won't get pregnet (sic). If not, I have a problem, I'm only 11. signed Really Worried".
This little girl was only 11 and had already fallen victim to all the misinformation that is out there about sex. We do not want our teens to be misinformed and they are fed misinformation from so many different sources that it can become extremely confusing to know what to believe. We offer them Gods' truth.
3. Statistically speaking, 47% of teens are sexually active, most statisticians believe that the number may be higher because there is still a social stigma surrounding premarital sex, so girls especially, tend to lie about being sexually active. The number increases with age, 62% of 12th graders report being sexually active compared with 33% of 9th graders. Compared to older adults, teens are at higher risk for contracting STDs due to lack of regular health care and being physiologically more susceptible to infection. 25% of teens contract an STD every year. An estimated half of all new reported HIV cases yearly are in people under 25. 50% of sexually active youth will contract an STD before age 25. 40% of older adolescents incorrectly believe that the birth control pill prevents STDs and HIV. Some teens, including those that have recieved abstinence education, consider oral and anal sex to be abstinent behaviors and do not realize these behaviors present risks of STD transmission. There are currently 20 STDs considered to be at epidemic levels in the U.S., many of them incurable. There are STDs, such as HPV, herpes, and genital warts (all of which are incurable) that can be transmitted even with condom use. It is estimated that 90% of cervical cancer cases are caused by HPV, which cannot be erradicated once it's in the body. Some STDs, such as syphllis and chlamydia can lead to infertility, especially in girls. 31% of teen girls will become pregnant at least once before the age of 20. 27% of teen pregnancies end in abortion every year. The United States has the highest teen pregancy and birth rate in the Western industrialized world. (all statistics were pulled from the Kaiser Family Foundation, SADD and the Guttmacher Research Institute)
These statistics are scary and give even more reason to promote and advocate abstinence, as well as making sure our teens are not misinformed about the dangers of premarital sex. There is no such thing as "safe sex" and all teens need to know that. That is why we talk about sex, to educate them, to reinforce abstinence and to respect their desire for biblical knowledge regarding sex.
That being said, we cannot always predict what question a teen is going to ask on any given Wednesday. Many times we redirect the conversation and ask the teen to bring it up privately with their small group leader. There are times (rarely), however, that we do address the question as a group.
I encourage any parent with questions or concerns to please, please, please contact me. I am more than happy to let you review our curriculum, to ask questions and share any concerns you have with me. We generally send home a flyer when we are close to starting our sex/dating curriculum and if you would like your child to not participate, that is perfectly ok. Our curriculum on sex deals only in biblical principles regarding purity, abstinence and healthy relationships. We do, however, answer questions about pornography, masturbation and homosexuality if they are brought up in the course of the curriculum. I realize that these are uncomfortable topics for most people and that many feel the church should not be discussing them. I say, why not the church? Where else will they get biblical, purity driven answers? I believe the church should be discussing these things and we will continue to do so.
I want to again reiterate the fact that this does not happen every week or even every month. Most of the times that kids are talking about sex, we shut it down. But we will answer honest, respectful questions.
In regard to the Jr High youth group, we do no sex curriculum. For 6th graders, we do a curriculum on building healthy friendships/relationships. For 7th and 8th graders, we focus on respecting the opposite sex, that God purposefully made men and women different, emotionally. And for the boys, we help them learn to deal with impure thoughts. All small groups are aged based and boys and girls are separate. We do answer their questions as well, age appropriately. We are not interested in giving sex education and we don't. Some girls last year had questions about teen preganacy and we answered them age appropriately and biblically.
We do respect the different places all of our youth (Jr&Sr High) are in and base our curriculum and answers around their different ages and needs.
I hope that this helps clear up some of the "controversy" and again invite any one with questions to please contact me at jami@harrisonlegacy.com or 513-266-1017.
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